I learned to open my hands in Birmingham. If only I could have left them open.
Attempting to control comes easily for me. It’s comfortable. It’s familiar. I have lived most of my life with clenched fists. Fists holding on to the illusive reigns of control over my life. Fists that don’t want to let go of things (and people) that are dear to me. Fists that try to cling to the familiar, the comfortable… no matter if my heart needs to let go.
So here I am. My arthritic hands seemingly paralyzed in clench mode. Trying to hold on to something that has been a huge part of my life since I was born. Not wanting to leave behind people that I care deeply about and a job that I loved. It’s not easy. It’s good for me, but it still hurts. So badly. I want to keep control over this part of my life.
In the midst of my clinging, I ran across this quote:
“Lord, if it’s not Your will, let it slip through my grasp and give me the peace not to worry about it.” – Tony A. Gaskins, Jr.
You know what hit me? If my fists are clenched, NOTHING can slip through. There is no way to know which things God wants me to hold onto and which things He wants me to let go of… because I am preventing, blocking, stopping up the natural drainage holes between my fingers.
So I’m opening my hands again and letting go. And in my openness, I’m asking Him to fill me up with Himself. There is no way I can do this on my own. I need Him to lead me to a new place… of proper control. His control. And He’s moving me forward.
May my fists remain unclenched as I allow Him to move me forward. And as I offer my life in worship, may my entire being reflect the glory of my Creator God.
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