It was one of those moments you want to put a pin in. To never forget.
A normal walk on the beach, the same as many I had taken before. The late afternoon sky was clouded with fluffy blue… the kind asking for rain to fall, but with water not yet ready to leave its heavy balloon.
In my usual determined stride, I started walking; my mind consciously telling me to not look back. Every part of me listened… something (or someone) was PUSHING me forward. When I finally stopped to turn back, my feet had traveled 1.7 miles without my mind even realizing it. The sunset was just beginning to reveal amazing shades of light as I was reminded of a conversation a couple of months earlier…
The water pouring from my eyes was healing my soul a little more… healing parts that had been locked away. Expunging more pain that had been closed up inside – clenched by my wounded soul.
Healing.
This friend, listening, had no idea all of this pain was still hidden away so deeply. It came on me suddenly and unexpectedly, as well. As we talked, he reminded me of something that I had forgotten in all of my dwelling.
“MOVE FORWARD” was my motto all those years ago – before the world according to Paula fell apart.
Healing.
I left the conversation a little lighter than when it started; but it stirred in my brain almost daily for weeks.
With that reminder, God showed me a vivid picture of past pieces coming into place. Beauty from ashes. Old becoming new. Beautiful (yet not-quite-mature) things before were becoming… different beautiful (ready-to-be-awakened) things now. Learning was becoming fulfillment. Watching, assisting, and observing had become writing, directing, and producing. Why go back?
“What I have is ahead” ~ He whispered.
My heart was full. A cloudy day on the beach gave me opportunity to see layers of beauty that would not have shown on a clear day. The infinite shades of blue and red that only God knows the names of… were showing me beauty I could never find within myself. So much I had yet to see.
With the last few steps back, I watched the last sliver of red hide beneath the pier. Then it disappeared underground.
This was truly a holy time. And my word for 2020 was found… #MoveForward.
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