A few things are permanent fixtures on my desk, including my iMac, printer, really cool speakers… and my giant Yoda PEZ dispenser (which actually plays the theme song when you open it, by the way). Yoda is my reminder to keep moving forward. To unlearn what I have learned… since I, too, can be like Luke and want to give up because of my limited knowledge of what is possible.
Today is my unknown day. My personal You-called-me-out-upon-the-waters day. It’s our first day of homeschool. My first day as a teacher to the most precious, most important class I could ever teach… the 3 cuties that God has entrusted to Jeff and me.
Over the last week, I’ve felt like throwing up more than once as reality has hit me. I have had very little sleep. Still not sure if the sleepless nights are from fear or excitement. Probably a little of both. I have gone back and forth (more than once) with the legitimacy of my calling to do this.
But I know the answer. Yes. I wouldn’t have chosen this path if it wasn’t what God was calling me to do. Seriously.
So here’s what’s troubling me as I’m getting ready to start this crazy, exciting day: the part I know I’m good at is done. The planning, shopping, painting, preparing, designing, setting up the system. This is what I know.
Today is the day I walk into what I don’t know. The part that I’ve not been the best at in some areas of my life. The follow-through and the maintenance of the day-to-day. When it really comes down to the hard parts of the job, the parts that will make me want to pull my hair out, how am I going to respond?
Will I run away or will I stay the course, TRUSTING His call?
This is my fear of the unknown.
But what I feel and what I know are two different things. What I know is the call. And because of the call, I must keep going. I’m going to DO this until the Lord tells me that this season of my life is up. Until He tells me to go a different direction, I am going to follow His lead and DO this with EVERYTHING that is inside of me.
And when I fall to my knees in tears and fear and stress and just being worn-out, I’m going to ask God for the strength to keep going. We all grow weary. The problem is we usually try to bounce back on our own. “Try.” Hmm… try not. We do (or do not). We DO (or do not) call on the Lord. We DO (or do not) rely on His strength. We DO (or do not) trust that He knows what He’s doing. We DO (or do not) trust that He is the God of the universe. And we DO (or do not) believe that He is able to equip us for any work He has given us to do.
So, here we go…
Do, or do not. There is no try. – Master Yoda
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