Faith or Fear?

The calling.

Sometimes it’s not some big, crazy, outside-in-the-world step. Sometimes it’s something that God wants to happen in your own home.

Homeschooling is mine, at least for this season. I’ve run away from it for years, but not this time. It’s real and I haven’t felt more of a peace or an excitement about anything in a long, long time.

Two years ago, it was the plan. God was working in my heart in so many ways. He was drawing me close to Him, teaching me more about worship, giving me opportunities to serve Him more in worship. It was then that I moved away from the center of His plan and let my own ambition drive my steps.

Now I do know for a fact that I was supposed to go to Birmingham that year, and actually I’m not questioning the last two years of my life. They have been a wonderful, growing, life-changing experience… a healing force to me in so many ways. The friendships from our team will stick with me for life.

But beyond all of the Romans 8:28 truth, I still question my own decision-making back then. When we left on the trip, I had already decided to homeschool. It was what I claimed to be my calling… until Birmingham. When we came home, I had completely changed the path of what the next two years would bring.

So this year, as I was preparing for She Speaks through the pain, unable to write the book proposal, homeschooling wouldn’t leave my mind. It became a stronger passion every day. When my husband got excited about it, the choice was confirmed.

But I knew.

At the end of the week, I would go to She Speaks. This was another potentially life-changing conference. Would I change my mind again? Would I make the choice to follow what I wanted or would I stick with what I believed God was calling me to do?

So instead of wondering, I bought all of the curriculum the night before I left for the conference. Choice made. No turning back. At the time, I thought this was an act of fear… of myself, of my wishy-washy decision-making skills. But now I realize it wasn’t fear. It was faith.

Faith in the call.

Faith in a God who is bigger than my fear.

Faith in the fact that He will equip me to do this thing that He’s called me to do.

Faith in knowing that the called-me-out-upon-the-waters thing for me means prioritizing my home, my family.

Faith in listening to Him as He gently draws me to Himself.

Faith in taking the first step.

And in taking that first step of faith (not fear), God confirmed the call throughout the conference. As Jeff and I talked on FaceTime while I was still in Concord, he asked, “are you sure you still want to homeschool?” It was nice to be able to smile at him and say “I’ve never been more sure.”

Praise the Lord. I’m so thankful for His grace. So thankful for many chances to do it right. So thankful for His great love.

Thanks for stopping by! If you would like to subscribe to Grow Where You’re Planted and receive these posts in your email, you can do that here: Grow Where You’re Planted Updates.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *