It was Jeffrey’s 8th birthday… and Mommy woke up with a terrible headache.
Jeff sweetly told me he would take Jeffrey to school, so I hugged Jeffrey, took some ibuprofen, and went back to bed. A little while later, Jeff came into the room and said “Jeffrey said he needs cupcakes by 10:00.”
My first thought was not “Oh no, I forgot Jeffrey’s cupcakes.” It was “I’m going to be late to work.” Then I started crying. What is wrong with my brain? My heart and mind have been so consumed elsewhere lately that I seriously forgot my son’s cupcakes? And then my mind STILL went to work first?
I have a tendency to jump full-force into whatever project I’m given. For some reason, I have always had a difficult time balancing home and work. So whenever I went back to work a few months ago, Jeff cautioned me. This time however, I am doing ministry where God has absolutely called me to do it and thought it would be different… But Monday was a great reminder. I have not been fine.
As I was on the verge of tears most of that day at the office, God was breaking me and showing me how important it is that I have my heart right on this. If I get every single thing right at work, yet mess up with my family, then I’ve messed up my purpose in life. The greatest ministry given to me is Jeff and those 3 little ones that God has blessed us with. Next to my relationship with Jesus, they have to take priority over anything outside of our home.
So, I’m still working through it and trying to let God teach me to change my heart. This entire week I’ve still had trouble turning my mind off. I wish there was literally a switch that could be turned off when I leave the office, but there’s not. Only spending time in God’s word and consistently allowing Him to change my ways and priorities can fix it.
In case you’re wondering, Jeffrey got his cupcakes. I was a little late to work, but that was okay. We ended up having a great, great evening together as a family celebrating him. I’m so thankful for my family! And so thankful for God teaching me His path, His ways. He forgives my sins and transgressions, and teaches me new ways to live.
Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Remember your mercy, O LORD, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O LORD! – Psalm 25:4-7
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