31 Days :: Day 25 – Why Harry Was Right

This Morning:

  • Journal about your thoughts this morning… specifically about the level of purity in them.
  • Pray and ask God to continue knocking down the impure input that tries to seep into your mind every day.
Devotion: Why Harry Was Right

Today we are talking about male-female friendships and how they can be dangerous to our mental purity {specifically in marriage}. It is possible that you may view male-female relationships a little differently after today. You’re probably coming into this with one of three different views:

  1. You have never thought about opposite sex friendships as being potential problems OR…
  2. You’ve thought about the possibility of it but you still don’t think it’s a big deal OR…
  3. You’ve thought about it and you’re trying to avoid thinking that it is a problem.

Men are physical. Women are emotional. You’ve heard that before, right? It’s true. And the emotional side can be more dangerous. A woman is not necessarily drawn away by a good-looking man. Sure, when we see attractive men, we might look, but physical attraction is not the main way Satan draws us in. A woman is more enticed to impurity when a man shows interest in her. When he cares about her. When he is a friend.

And it’s no big deal, right? It doesn’t hurt our marriage, right? As long as nothing physically happens, it’s not going to hurt anyone, right?

If you’ve seen the movie When Harry Met Sally, I’m sure you remember the scene when Harry says, “you realize, of course, that we can never be friends…  men and women can’t be friends.” The rest of their conversation is a pretty blunt worldly explanation of why, but nevertheless it has truth to it. I believe and have experienced that the easiest way for us {as married women} to get caught up in impure thoughts {and possibly more} is to develop close friendships with the opposite sex. It’s just dangerous. Harry was right.

Maybe you don’t see the danger, or maybe you don’t see it as an issue for you. I understand. But just as a self-check, here are some questions to ask yourself about the outside-of-family males in your life:

  1. Do you find yourself thinking about a particular male friend more often than you should?
  2. Do you find that you take extra care getting ready when you know a particular male friend is going to be where you’re going?
  3. Do you allow yourself to spend time alone with a male friend… without at least one other person around?
  4. Do you engage in deep life conversations with one or more male friends? Or do you stay on surface day-to-day stuff?
  5. Do you ever talk about your spouse negatively with a male friend?

Answering “yes” to any of these questions is a warning sign. And if you get to the point that you are talking with another man about your husband, let me just say that you are in trouble. Again, I hope you don’t see legalism in what I’m saying. It’s not about rules… It’s about loving our husbands and our God purely, and respecting the danger of male-female friendships. Realizing how easily our hearts can become entangled when we had absolutely no intention of allowing ourselves to get there.

I didn’t always believe it was important to limit my close friendships to only women {or tried to pretend I didn’t believe it}. And I have mistakenly become emotionally attached to male friends a few times in my life. In fact, it got me into real trouble about 10 years ago and I almost destroyed my marriage. Almost. But God had a plan. Part of that plan is to pass on my experiences to others.

Because of how I struggle so with this, I have some pretty strict rules on myself when it comes to male friendships. To the point that some people have questioned the way I think about it. But I know my heart. And I know what I can and cannot handle. I just always remind myself… and stand by this verse… Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall {1 Corinthians 10:12}. I know I can fall. I have. And I am not above falling again. So I attempt to do everything in my power to protect my mind and my marriage.

Do I feel like it limits my freedom? At times. But usually those times are when I’m being self-centered and when I’m not thinking about how my life was created to reflect God’s glory. F.L.E.E. – Free Lives Embrace Escape. That’s my new motto. The freedom is in the protection.

Now, of course I’m not telling you to completely avoid the male species. 🙂 My advice is just that of caution. You and God are the only ones who truly know your heart. Just protect it. And, if you’re married, protect your marriage. It is God’s gift to you.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23

To Make You Think:

  1. How do you feel about your answers to the male friendship questions?
  2. If you really stop and think about it, do you see how male-female friendships affect the purity of your mind? Toward God and toward your spouse?
  3. If you answered “yes” to any of the questions above about a friend… are you willing to add an extra layer of protection to your heart about that relationship?
The Rest of the Day:
  • Spend time in prayer tonight, asking God to show you what He sees when He looks at your mind from a purity standpoint. Journal about what He reveals to you.
  • Continue to think about the freedom God wants for you in the escape of temptation… F.L.E.E.
See you tomorrow!

Continuing on…  31 Days :: Day 26 – Cut. It. Out. 


4 Replies to “31 Days :: Day 25 – Why Harry Was Right”

  1. I struggle with this often because my friends have always been guys. When my marriage hit a rough patch, I didn't have a friend I could safely turn to because I hadn't nurtured any "sister" relationships. Working on them now.

    1. Me too, Vonda. Since I\’ve always been a tomboy it was just easier to relate. Probably why you and I relate so well. 🙂 But God has really worked in my heart about it and helped me see some ways it was affecting me. Love ya girl!!

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